I'm sure the idea is fiscally-driven. Giving us passengers the opportunity to realize how empty our lives are because we lack things like a square yard of real, indoor grass for our pets or a toaster that cooks hot dogs and their buns all at once.
In reality, though, it's full of absurd crap that you eventually find in thrift stores and yard sales; the sort of things that make you scratch your head and think, Why would anyone buy this? And then: Why would anyone make this?
If nothing else, Sky Mall is entertaining. Especially for the likes of me-- folks who would otherwise grip the seat while trying not to vomit due to our crippling travel anxiety.
An aside: I spent hours before my trips reading about how to travel alone confidently. Solo travelers are sexy, headlines promised. I attempted to distract myself from replaying disaster scenarios in my head by how sexy I must look, traveling alone, spring in my step, sharing organic, dark chocolate peanut butter cups with my seatmates. Still, somehow, despite my veil of confidence, on the most memorable flight, I managed to drop my travel mug which rolled upon the fellow's bag behind me, spilling water everywhere. And then I elbowed my almost-full ginger ale face-down into the lap of the guy next to me. I spent the next twenty minutes of the flight crying silently, resulting in a spiral of black makeup smeared around my eyes.
So while not crying or spilling beverages all over people, and when not reading books on how to deal with travel anxiety, I read Sky Mall. And I realized my life is missing so very much.
If only I'd had these Jeans Lounge Pants, for instance, during my trips. Then my faked confidence while traveling would have been real.
Or if the jeans weren't enough, I could have filled them with this. Luckily for my wallet, the beauty of my bottom is already on the dangerous side of enhanced, so I wasn't that tempted to purchase one, but who knows? Maybe a super-round-lifted-beautiful-bottom would've somehow caught the ginger ale and gently replaced it on my tray with no spillage. At the price of these, I would expect no less of a miracle.
Laugh all you want. I did, before arriving in the Far North. I even thought something like, wow, there is nothing sexier than a man in a hooded-zip-up mosquito jacket. But the mosquitoes up there are no joke. I've grown up in the tropics and haven't met mosquitoes like that in my life. They're huge and cling when you run and in the cold and they follow you in your shower and try to attack while the hot water is still going strong. I'm convinced they're on steroids and genetically modified. So I can totally see myself wearing one of these now. Confidently, of course.
If I had a dog, I'd bring it to travel with me just so it could wear this gem. Imagine the conversations that would start up. Like: Are Boston Terriers allergic to water? And: Why are you such an asshole to your dog?
Although, sometimes the best part of traveling is making it back home. Imagine coming inside and being greeted with this hottie. I don't know if I'd leave the house again.
And this horrifying accent. I imagine it exists to scare children and generally discourage visitors of all ages.
And when you're finally unpacked and have made that warm mug of tea, you can sit in your backyard with this fella (whose persona happens to define sexy, mysterious solo traveling, am I right?). When I'm finally finished editing my fairy tale novel, maybe I'll treat myself to one and mount it over my stove. Then adorn him with a paisley scarf and read my poetry to him when people aren't around. Or maybe while people are around-- to generally discourage visitors, of course.
Have you guys ever bought anything from Sky Mall?